Compassionate Accountability by Nate Regier PhD & Marshall Goldsmith

Author:Nate Regier, PhD & Marshall Goldsmith [Nate Regier, PhD]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
Published: 2023-07-11T00:00:00+00:00

Enforce Boundaries, Standards, and Commitments without Blaming, Attacking, or Threatening

Previously I mentioned Laura Cole, who works with leaders and teams around organizational culture development and change management. Laura’s most powerful tool is Watson, who has an uncanny ability to detect and reflect the kind of energy people are sending out. Watson is an integral part of Laura’s leadership development programs. When I spoke with Laura about compassion, she talked about the importance of boundaries and how so many leaders struggle with this.6 Watson has a habit of nibbling shirts. Yet successful executives at the top of their game regularly allow him to bite holes in their shirts because they don’t enforce boundaries.

Watson is a horse. Why do successful executives allow a horse to bite holes in their shirts? Laura explained that most leaders make the excuse that they don’t want to be mean or don’t know how to stop it. Being unclear or inconsistent on boundaries isn’t kind or helpful. As Laura noted, it deprives others of a more healthy way to interact with us and form a meaningful relationship. Boundaries are a foundation for strong relationships. Furthermore, when we don’t set and enforce boundaries, we can easily slip into forming negative opinions of others who seem to disrespect our wants and needs.

I can personally attest to the power of working with horses around personal and team dynamics. If you haven’t had the opportunity to do so, I highly recommend it.

Enforcing boundaries, standards, and commitments isn’t easy, and you don’t have to be mean about it. But it does require clarity about your role as a leader and the courage to speak clearly and consistently. It also requires that leaders let go of trying to manage other people’s emotions and reactions. Here are some examples of healthy boundary setting without attacking, blaming, or threatening:

• “These are the standards we have set, and it’s not negotiable that you meet them to be employed here.”

• “We agreed I could attend my daughter’s volleyball game tonight, so I will not stay late and work on the project.”

• “I won’t cover for you because it’s your responsibility to come up with your own ideas on this project.”

• “You have been late three times this month, so I am initiating a corrective action plan.”

• “Please include me next time on the meeting invite. It’s important that I am involved in this decision.”

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